WHY I DO WHAT I DO

Image Source: Tim Grutzius

I just finished reading the international bestseller Taking The Cape Off: How to Lead Through Mental Illness, Unimaginable Grief and Loss, written by retired fire chief Patrick J. Kenny (Global Wellness Media, 2020). Cape is an autobiographical account of how the loss of three people had a profound influence on Pat Kenny, which led him to become an excellent mental health advocate - the death of his father when Pat was 14, the suicide of his 20-year-old son, and the passing of his wife from brain cancer.

This story is an authentic and vulnerable recounting of Pat's mental health struggles as a son, father, husband, and leader of a fire service organization. This book is a resource for first responders, spouses, emergency services leaders, and civilians who will gain valuable insight from the lessons learned throughout and at the end of each chapter. I highly recommend Cape to those who wish to learn how mental health matters and that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Pat Kenny is the reason I do what I do.

In April 2014, I attended the inaugural training for the Illinois Firefighter Peer Support team. On day two, the instructor talked about PTSD, which became my ah-ha moment. Strong emotions surfaced as I began to re-live the suicide of a colleague (a calI I responded to) that occurred sixteen years prior. This event was my trigger for PTSD - something that went undiagnosed for over a decade and a half. I engaged the services of a licensed clinical professional counselor who worked with first responders - my healing journey began. The connection to the Chief happened in one of my therapy sessions.

At that time, I read a book called Pass It On: what we know, what we want you to know (Penwell Publishing, 2014) by Fire Chief Billy Goldfeder. Goldfeder's work is a multi-author collection of wisdom-inspired short stories written to benefit future firefighters. Chief Kenny wrote an abbreviated version of his son's suicide. As I finished his story, I remembered that his name was mentioned in the peer support training class. I thought, "I can learn something from this man." At my next therapy session, I asked my counselor if she could put me in touch with the Chief, as meeting him would help me heal deeper. She agreed and gave me his work email address.

After a couple of days, I summoned the courage to send the Chief an email, briefly explained what I wanted, and asked if he would be willing to meet with me at his convenience. A few days later, Pat replied to my email and said we could meet at a Starbucks in Hinsdale, Illinois. A sense of relief had washed over me. Little did I know I was about to meet one excellent human being in early June 2014.

We met an hour, and the Chief listened to me talk about my friend's suicide. He remembered when that happened and said it was a big deal across the Illinois Fire Service. He also told me that when he left his house that morning, his wife was depressed as that was the anniversary of the last time she saw their son alive before he committed suicide. I felt chills up my spine when he shared this with me. Later in our conversation, he told me that I was much further along in my healing than I thought. As we parted ways, he hugged me and said welcome to (the mental health) club. I crossed paths with the Chief at a few other peer support events, where he shared a little more about his son's suicide. He proctored a roundtable discussion about firefighter suicide, of which I was a panel member.

Image Source: Morvanic Lee (Unsplash)

After reading Cape, I now realize that when the Chief met with me, he was still grieving the loss of his son. He never showed this during our hour conversation - he was strong and remained steadfast in his demeanor as he was there to help me. I always have been and always will be honored to offer trauma-informed yoga practices and peer support services to those who seek my aid. I do what I do because of the kindness shown by Chief Patrick J. Kenny.

To Chief Kenny - I have been blessed to have crossed paths with you in this lifetime.

Until next time-

Namaste,

Tim

References

Kenny, P. (2020). Taking The Cape Off: How to Lead Through Mental Illness, Unimaginable Grief, and Loss. California: Global Wellness Media.

Goldfeder, B. (2014). Pass It On: what we know, what we want you to know. Oklahoma: Penwell Publishing.