THE TRUTH OF OUR BEING
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"Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love." - Don Miguel Ruiz (The Four Agreements).
In 1997, Don Miguel Ruiz authored a self-help book called The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (California 1997). In this literary work, Ruiz talks about self-limiting beliefs imposed on us by ourselves or others. He calls these beliefs agreements. In particular, if followed, he offers four, which will bring greater clarity, joy, and freedom into our lives. This week, we begin with agreement number one - Be impeccable with your word.
This agreement concerns the power of the word and how it can bring us joy or endless suffering. It is about lovingly speaking our truth concerning ourselves and fellow human beings. When used harmfully, words shift how we view the person in the proverbial mirror looking back at us. Ruiz offered a poignant example of this agreement.
He told the story of a young, happy, joyful girl who loved singing and dancing. One day, her mom (who had a terrible day at work) came home to find her daughter singing. On any other day, mom enjoyed her daughter's voice. However, she found it annoying this time and told the little girl to "shut up" because her voice was "ugly and annoying." The mother's words caused the little girl to alter how she viewed herself, and she made an agreement (with herself) never to sing again. She silenced herself, believing this would be the way to love and acceptance. As a result, she became shy and introverted. This example demonstrates how we change because of the words of others - but what about how we do this with ourselves?
If we step back and observe a day in our life, we will note many instances of negative self-talk, one of the most common ways we make agreements with ourselves. How often have you called yourself "stupid" or said, "Hey, dummy, why did you turn on the wrong street?" With repetition, this becomes habitual, and we cannot recognize the self-harm. "I AM" is a powerful statement. If we listen to our words or those of others, we tend to believe "I am less than," "I do not deserve to be loved." More than anyone on this planet, we can be our worst critics. In the story about the singing girl, she developed a self-limiting belief and told herself, "My voice is ugly." While we cannot change others, we can change ourselves.
To break this cycle of harmful agreements, we need to practice self-compassion. When you wake up first thing in the morning, look in the mirror and say, "I AM ENOUGH, AND I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE CHANCE EACH DAY TO BEGIN AGAIN." Doing the inside job of healing takes time, perseverance, and the willingness to see oneself differently. When you are gentle with yourself, it becomes easier to extend loving kindness to others.
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From personal experience, I will admit that healing oneself can be difficult initially. I still work at this every day. If you are in a place where this task seems impossible, engage the services of a licensed professional clinical counselor who can be a mentor on your journey through this lifetime. Healing is not linear, and sometimes we may need extra assistance. Whatever path you take to make healthy agreements - inhale peace and balance; exhale that which no longer serves you. Until next time -
Namaste,
Tim
References
Ruiz, D (1997). The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom. California: Amber-Allen Publishing.