LET’S TALK STORY

"Every life has a purpose. Share your story and you may help someone find their own." - Demi Lovato.

"Let's talk story" is a common phrase in Hawaii. It expresses endearment toward others and encourages open dialogue. The following story I am about to share is a prime example of the power of a message contained in the spoken word. Please note that the details I will share may be triggering to some readers.

Of the many hats I wear, one is as a board member for a non-profit called STAND T.A.L.L. Our mission is to raise money for the unfunded needs of local law enforcement. Earlier this week, Executive Director Ron Kauffman and I had the privilege of speaking to a group of law enforcement officers (LEOs) who were attending a suicide and PTSD awareness workshop. We talked to attendees about the mental health co-pay fund we established for those departments that do not cover a co-pay or deductible for their employees. I shared my story about my co-worker's death by suicide and implored them to seek assistance for either themselves or colleagues who may be struggling. My anecdote, while poignant, did not serve as the most potent voice heard that day.

The Police Benevolent Association of North Carolina sponsors this workshop to bring greater awareness to suicide and PTSD. Before lunch, the instructor outlined the basics of life as a police officer and the mental health issues they may encounter during a career. As he said, "This is the boring stuff." After lunch, the power of talking story unfolded most dramatically.

The afternoon session began with the instructor relating the story of a 20-year Lieutenant LEO who died by suicide two years ago this past April. After he set the stage, he invited three women (affected by this man's death) to speak to all attendees. The first of the trio to address the audience was the Lieutenant's wife.

She began her story by describing his character —a loving, caring husband and father passionate about his career and serving others in need. She also talked about his educational background leading up to his chosen path. Early in his career, the couple agreed that he would keep his home and work life separate. During his career, the traumatic experiences continued to accumulate, but he never unloaded on his family. He maintained a brave face even though he struggled in silence.

Image Source: Soheb Zaidi (Unsplash)

One day, his wife received a call from her husband, and he asked, "Do you believe in the power of forgiveness?" She replied, "Yes." At this point, he put down the phone and ended his life through the use of his gun. She heard this happen. His wife continued to relate what happened in the minutes and days that followed her husband's death. With tears in her eyes, she asked this audience to seek help and share with their loved ones if they struggle with mental health issues.

The second person to speak was his daughter. This young woman, her parent's only child, described her dad through the lens of a child. She related how he supported her in every endeavor while serving and protecting others. Through tears flowing, she recalled how she received notification of her father's death (for the life of me, I cannot recall what she said as the power of talking story began to overwhelm me emotionally).

She concluded her speech with a call to action. She asked all LEOs in attendance to seek help if they are struggling. Please do not leave your family behind, as "My dad missed my graduation from college" and several other life events in the last two years.

The final member of this trio to speak was the first arriving LEO on the scene—a fellow officer and friend. This police sergeant said she arrived so quickly on the scene that the dispatcher did not have enough time to enter notes into the computer. She was around the corner when she received a call for a shot fired at the affected location.

The sergeant ran to the front porch and knocked on the door, but no one answered. Through the front window, she could see what appeared to be a man lying on the ground in the backyard. When she arrived at this location, she found a man with a single gunshot wound to the head. He was still alive. At this point, she remembered holding his hand as she did not want him to die alone. Suddenly, she heard a voice on the phone, picked it up, and a woman asked if her husband was all right. The sergeant replied, "no ma'am, he is not."

Events moved so quickly that this LEO did not realize she had responded to her friend's home or recognized his wife's voice. Her brain shut down in response to this traumatic event. Eventually, when she spoke with other officers who arrived on the scene, they revealed the deceased's identity. The sergeant then told us about the guilt she experienced for not initially recognizing where or with whom she was with.

As the months passed, the details remained surreal, so she asked to see the body cam footage to confirm what she believed happened in reality. Through flowing tears, she told us that the scattered events imprinted on her brain occurred as she remembered them. The only thing she did not remember (revealed on the body cam) was her screams in agony at witnessing the death of another human being. Let alone a friend she did not recognize.

The sergeant then spoke about how this event interfered with her ability to care for her twin children and function on the job. She entered therapy to process the events and returned to duty with the full support of her troops. Sometime after her friend's death, she responded to the call for a suicidal subject. The sergeant stated she spent twenty minutes on the phone with the woman, attempting to convince her to seek help. Eventually, the woman hung up the phone and ended her own life.

The sergeant considered leaving the department but returned to therapy for additional help and is still on the job. She concluded her speech by echoing the mom and daughter's call to action: Please seek help if you are struggling. "You matter to your colleagues, family, and friends."

Image Source: Michael Dziedzic

After listening to these courageous women "talk story," I became emotionally overwhelmed as it brought back memories from two-and-a-half decades ago. I turned to Ron and said, "If the instructor did not capture the attention of these officers with the "boring stuff.", these women sure did. Anything he would teach them from this point forward would pale compared to their lived experience."

June is PTSD Awareness Month. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues. Talking story is a great way to take this first courageous step. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Until next time -

Namaste,

Tim