Lean Into Those Who Have Walked the Path

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"Life is not a solo act. It's a huge collaboration, and we all need to assemble around us the people who care about us and support us in times of strife." – Tim Gunn.

In previous posts, I have never shied away from sharing my struggles with occupationally triggered PTSD as a result of a 27-year career in emergency services, beginning with a private ambulance company and ending with my retirement from the Alsip Fire Department. I joined the Illinois Firefighter Peer Support (ILFFPS) team and attended their first training class in April 2014.

During the final five years of my career, I became actively involved in peer support and completed several peer interventions. As a volunteer, it was rewarding to assist fellow firefighters (who now stood where I once walked) and carry the message through educational outreach and public speaking opportunities. The first lesson we learned as peer support specialists is that "nobody can relate and understand what it is like to be a firefighter than another firefighter."

Through time and experience, I realized that asking for help is a sign of courage, not weakness. It is all about leaning into those who have walked the path before you. In retirement, I have served as a de facto member of ILFFPS since I relocated to Western North Carolina. Sitting down and having breakfast or a cup of coffee from a seven-hundred-mile distance takes work. However, I have been a co-chair of the bi-weekly online Thin Line Support Group that assists all first responders (fire, EMS, police, and dispatchers). Additionally, I participate as a team member for the weekly X(formerly known as Twitter) chat (#ptsdchat), which provides an online forum for individuals with PTSD from all walks of life, not just first responders.

The following dialogue is an open letter to my fellow first responders I shared via Facebook on my retirement day (May 28th, 2019). In this goodbye letter, I outlined two valuable lessons I learned as a peer support person. Although it applies to firefighting personnel, you can use this blueprint for any chosen walk of life or occupational specialty—maybe even begin a peer group. Until next time -

Namaste,

Tim

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My Farewell

"To My Brother and Sister First Responders,

Today, we celebrated my last day of active service with the Alsip Fire Department. I will have served over 25 years in this uniform when all is said and done. Tomorrow will be different, as I have worn some uniform representing employment with a federal, municipal, or private entity in service to others – dating back to my time in the Army (in total, 30 years of a life in public service). I had many laughs and shed some tears as I experienced both the joy and pain of others. At the end of it all, I learned two valuable lessons I wish to share.

Everybody has stuff

 From the day we arrive on this planet, the story of our destiny begins to unfold, and with it, we begin to accumulate a personal story of both good and bad experiences. This history follows us into the first responder world – some of which may have already profoundly affected our being. There will always be one unwavering truth about our time spent here: there will always be multiple generations serving at the same time under our roof.

Welcome the new members to the first responder family with an open mind instead of judgmental eyes, as we often tend to do. I challenge you to meet them where they are at, get to know them as a person, and be the best mentor possible. I am not saying you must be best friends, but at least observe them as they operate within their "norm." This will help you to recognize when things may not be going well, and you can open a conversation with "Sit down, my friend, and tell me a story." You never know what kind of a response that statement will prompt, but it is well worth taking the time to do so. Due diligence can change the life of one who is struggling.

Never Leave Behind Those Who Lift Us Up

We never enter this chosen path alone; we certainly bring other stakeholders along this journey, including spouses, parents, significant others, and siblings. We must educate them about what it is like to be a first responder. You do not have to share every detail about every call—just the nuts and bolts of the profession. Why? Because this job will profoundly change us in some shape or form.

This lesson is vital, especially if you begin to have struggles of your own (remember, the history you bring with you can compound this effect). Many peer support resources currently exist that can help you plan should you need them. Our stakeholders need access to these organizations and be granted permission (by you, the responder) to contact them for assistance. Your inner circle has the potential to travel with you on this journey for 20 (+) years – please do not leave them behind.

To those who follow after me – it's your world now. I leave you with an Eagles song that best captures the moment of this day.

Take care and be well always,

Tim"

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